Saturday evening I went out to meet Jesus and a bunch of friends at some friends house. There were about 75 of us. It didn't just feel like a party, but a family reunion. I know maybe 10 people, but I had a strong connection with all of them- I loved them. Well, a pastor Dan Mohler, who leads the passionate loving lifestyle of the Gospel, spoke on the necessity of our identity in Christ. After his talk he asked if anyone needed to be freed from old identity markers, or scars from former lifestyles and selfish choices. While we were praying as a family, people were getting drunk in the Spirit. Being unable to stand because of the peace of the presence of God, we help them lay down. I helped on lay down and my pastor started praying for me. Then a couple others prayed for me as well, speaking words of encouragement over me. I don't remember what was said specifically, but I remember the images it conjured up. I was obliterated by the Father's love, drunk in the Holy Spirit, and high on the imagery.
Someone said "Holy of Holies," and I saw the image of space. In space was a ginormous flesh heart. At the meeting there was live worship music and somebody was playing drums while all this was happening. I associated the drums with the heart beat. (This whole meeting took place in a living room... so the bass was thumpin.) Anyways, I see this huge heart, with arteries and veins spreading across space. All of a sudden I see the center of the heart rip and light and gold shines from within. I got the sense that the Holy of Holies is the heart of God, and I am loved, and can enter the Holy of Holies, resting in the heart of God. (Read "Trials may come...Pt 2).
Another thing the Lord ministered to me was about trusting. I am an intellectual person, and people attribute that to my personality, as I have myself. In the past I have considered myself slightly slow, as a genius is slow. In some things it is a prohibition, especially in my speech, forming sentences and explanation, which has often frustrated me However, I just excused it as unchangeable even though I disliked that about myself. I just figured it was who I was and I had to learn to justify it. Another thing I have discovered over the past year is that I am not very instinctual. The other night, I saw this image, that my head was 75% of my body, or at least acted like it. However, I saw the Spirit of God filling me up, poured into my body, as if my body was just a shell. When the Spirit filled my legs, up to my waist, it began to push my head up shrinking in size. What I felt God saying was that I need to trust the Spirit of God to act on my behalf. I don't have to control with my brain. I am not bound by the understanding my own mind. I can trust God to be my ability. Also, just the image that Almighty God of the universe is my identity, causes me to cast out fear. Because if the Creator of the universe put his Spirit in me, who do I have to fear? He has the authority to do anything. I don't have to care about what people think. Who cares. I can live in love, and rest in peace. This is part of the Gospel, denying myself and receiving the life of God (Colossians 1 and 3).
One of the other things I realized, is how selfish I was. I was so self-focused. I did not see the hurt in those around me. Now I know that when I love God, accepting his Fatherly compassion towards me, I will love myself, and see the love God has for them.
its 12:30a. I am going to sleep and will finish writing "Trials may come...Pt 2" tomorrow.
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