Insight and Outpouring.

I cried tonight. I cried heavily. I cried out of my eyes, my nose and my mouth. My eyes are still swollen. I went to the regular tuesday night prayer assembly at Commonwealth Chapel tonight. I have been invited on many occasions and have never been able to make it. But tonight my soon-to-be roommate and his sister were leading worship and I had an available night. I was late because I couldn't find parking. When I walked in, I immediately felt the presence of God, and almost started to cry. Then, the feeling went away. I surrendered myself in worship. After a song or two we had a time where there were stations (confession, praise, prayer for the city.. and another which I can't remember). When I went to the confession, I just started confessing to God my wrongs, and I just realized how selfish I am. I just take soo much for granted. It was kind of enlightening when i switched to the praise station, because God revealed to me about how even in my selfishness he blesses me. It was amazing to see all of the blessings i have, which i don't typically see, because i am selfish. I just had to thank Him. When i went to pray for the city, i felt strongly that i needed to pray for the believers in the city. That we would be more loving, showing forgiveness and understanding to unbelievers. We naturally want to stand out by appearance, by being a "beacon on a hill," but i felt God saying we need to be strong in our meekness. We don't need to stand out publicly, but on an individual basis- on a personal level. Oh and it was great. Just then, my friend started leading the song " More Love, More Power," and it fit so perfectly with my prayer that we would be strong in mercy. Love and mercy are coexistent. There was a time and I can't remember the sequence of this, i think it was after the devotional. There was open mic and anyone could get up and speak or pray or read scripture. Someone got up and prayed that we would show more mercy to the people around us. Another prayed that we would not try to appear to be a certain way, but that we would love. All of the same message I was hearing from God myself. Then we started to sing a song, and I lost it. What triggered my emotion was that one of the guys said something along the lines of we need to love ourselves in order to love others. And what came to mind is my sin hinders me from loving others. I need to see myself as God sees me. And God sees me as perfectly beautiful, because when he looks at me, he is reminded of Himself. If God sees me as perfect, then I don't have to sin, and shouldn't. I can love myself because God sees me as perfect. And if God sees me as perfect, i can love myself and love others as perfect in God's eyes.